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Review of “Death by a thousand sluts”

http://www.lulu.com/shop/john-bodi/death-by-a-thousand-sluts-part-one/paperback/product-22326676.html

Lulu.com’s description of the book:
“Being terrible with women isn’t easy: it takes a lifetime of planning.

One day John woke up and found himself middle-aged, depressed and involuntarily celibate: with no more understanding of women than a medieval peasant had of particle physics.

What was to be done?

Sucked into the dark and secretive world of “the pickup artists” he decided to reinvent himself and approach a thousand women on the streets of London. Surely one would sleep with him?

Several nervous breakdowns later… this is his story.”

My review:

I found this book hugely entertaining. I have to commend the author on being as honest as he is. It is a natural human inclination to present a positive face to the world, and here the author Bodi has just told it how it is. Feelings of despair, hatred, and rage are not glossed over. I found the parts where he described the extreme difficulties caring for his father with Alzheimer’s particularly raw. Although this honesty about situations and thoughts may be shocking to a person who is not open minded, it really does make the book more readable, as you are never playing a game with the author where you feel you are reading a sugar coated version of events and are trying to read through that into what was actually going on.

As a long time reader of Bodi’s blog I have bittersweet feelings about the lack of resounding success by the end of it. Intentionally or not, this book is a critique of the courses that are sold to try and help men achieve more fulfilling sex lives. The primary method that the author uses to try and deal with his problems is daygame (as I’m sure anyone reading knows means a man approaching random women on the street at daytime trying to get them to form a relationship with him). Bodi shows an almost insane level of dedication to this approach. The old saw about insanity being doing the same thing and expecting different results kept springing to mind. Of course Bodi knows this too, but has his reasons for continuing, and clearly explains these.

Confounding his situation is his growing friendship with a small group of guys who can make this approach work. But themselves can never seem to offer a convincing reason for why Bodi seems to do better with women on courses and trips with them, but falls down when alone. I have a few guesses, but I’ll refrain from going into them here in depth. If you want to read about the uses and limits of ‘hiring a hero’ then this book is also very useful to you.

I personally believe any man setting out or still trying to improve their love life or chance of a fulfilling relationship through conscious thought and action should read this book. Bodi may have not reached the promised land by the end of it. But almost anyone can learn something or be entertained by his journey.


Advice not appreciated! =(

So I gave some advice/discussion on approaches to take on another blog and had a well respected third blogger (whose blog I also comment on and follow) come in and fairly comprehensively dismiss what I had suggested. And suggest that I never do anything anyway.

I’m not going to lie, this hurt.

On the charge of never doing anything, well I am stuck on that until I recover my health (if ever).

I guess that on the internet whether you are right or wrong, what you have to say will only be listened to if you can bring proof. And if you are just repeating the same advice over and over that can get annoying whether your advice is completely spot on or totally wrong.

Another point my views were attacked on was with regard to their sustainability “the guy goes traveling for a year or two, bangs loads of girls and is back in London and life is the same… hardly a maintainable system”. But if you are already overseas for a year rather than spending it daygaming in Riga, Latvia, or some other eastern european city, why not go somewhere with an existing social circle? Or at least give both a try?

And how sustainable is any approach for a guy in his 30s? Do I expect to be running around the streets at 43 years old doing daygame (or bars for that matter)?

I think the only medium term way a guy in his 30s is going to keep on keeping on is if heroic medical interventions like those proposed by the SENS Foundation (www.sens.org) become available.

It’s all just a dream for me unless I get my health back anyway. I hope that one day I get to see what I am made of. But for now this is just a fading dream.

I am not trying to piss anyone off, but I can see that advising people over and over to do something that they don’t really want to do is just nagging. The only way around that is to do it yourself, show people the fruits of your actions, then hope that they can get up the willpower to do the same (with your advice which is now more in the realm of encouragement).


Daygame approachathons – bad idea?

So another blogger that I follow is doing a day game approachathon. If you are unaware of what that is, it is were a guy sets aside a reasonable block of time and tries to do a certain number of approaches. 50, 100, or 200.

Why do guys do these? Usually it is for 4 reasons:

1 ~ All game is to a degree a numbers game. If one out of every 25 day game approaches results in a date, then doing 125 approaches will get you more dates than 25 approaches. However you can’t just keep approaching for ever.
2 ~ The guy assumes that by doing more approaches his probability of success on each approach will go up. While this is true for the first few approaches as the guy gets over the initial uncomfortable feeling, his probability of success rapidly plateaus.
3 ~ They are a specific and easily measured goal.
4 ~ Daygame is teachable, and therefore there are a number of gurus pushing it and trying to earn a crust from coaching, blogging, and ebook writing.

Lets look closely at the above reasons.

1 ~ The numbers game. It is actually correct that more approaches equals more dates equals more sex. However that is only part of the story. Approaching and rejection are emotionally draining (unless you are mental, but then you have bigger problems). So while 50 approaches will get you 5 times the dates as 10 approaches, 200 approaches will not get you 4 times the dates as 50 approaches. Because you will be an emotionally worn wreck by then.

2 ~ More sets = continual improvement. Wrong, just plain wrong. Your probability of success depends on how attractive you are. And that depends on your looks (both face and body) and where you fit in on the social ladder (which comes across in your vibe/confidence). Unfortunately the more sets = continual improvement idea is pushed by the commercial interests, otherwise the books etc that they are selling would be fairly worthless. Although plenty of guys want to believe they are getting better and keep going for a long time only to have a massive crash at some point.

3 ~ Exact goals are easier to hit. But just because a goal is measurable and exact doesn’t mean it is actually taking you anywhere.

4 ~ Guru endorsement. To be clear, I don’t doubt that gurus make daygame work well for themselves. It is just that they have already built an attractive body and/or life. In the end approaches are just… approaches. How you do depends on your attractiveness.

So… I think a better use of guys time is to work on their attractiveness. However this is less measurable and is not very teachable (so doesn’t have guru marketing and endorsement). Improving attractiveness by either getting a good body or a good life is also hard as every guy is already trying to do this.

Am I suggesting daygame should never be done? No. But I’d suggest that everyone has a certain number of approaches that they can do a week before it starts to become an emotionally draining ordeal. Speaking from actual experiences, I personally think my number is around 5 to 6 (being brutally honest). If you can get your attractiveness up to the point where you will get a date out of a doable weekly number of approaches then great. If you have to get into ordeal territory then sooner or later you will give up on daygame and will go through cycles of approachatons and then crashes with increasingly long crash periods each cycle.


The problem with daygame

So I was reading Krauser’s blog and noticed that he has another post up called “The 10 Invisible Barriers To Daygame“.

It is a well written post. And I do believe the guy is pretty damn successful at daygame (just watch a video of him and you can tell within 15 seconds of him speaking that he is a cool guy who has his life together). But… I think he reaches the wrong conclusions, or at least gives into commercial impulses a bit and mentions the right conclusions, but puts the wrong emphasis on each.

8. Quality overreach
When you see a really hot girl with a boyfriend, have a good look at him. He’s not a short pot-bellied old man with a comb-over and ill-fitting Primark t-shirt is he? Hot girls only have sex with high value men. Now, as daygamers we are lucky that there is a carefully-honed system to deliver that value in a short space of time but….. the value has to be there. The single biggest piece of value a daygamer can have (and which at least 60% don’t have) is… a personality.

The fuck ladder is real. If you’re currently getting occasional 5s then you needn’t bother opening higher than a 6. By all means do so as an experiment in breaking limiting beliefs but know that you’ve got no hope in hell of fucking them. Go dig up a photo of the hottest girl you fucked in the last two years. That’s what you should be opening. If she’s a 5 then leave the catwalk models to the men who actually have a chance.

street-style-girl-in-short-flower-dress-yellow-sweater-amazing-legs-high-heels-new-york-city-guy-staring-at-her

And yes, you probably bristled at the last two paragraphs. Going for turbo-hotties that blow you out is actually avoidance – you are avoiding girls you might fuck because getting blown out by the 6s is a bigger blow to your ego.

But the real solution to this is to improve yourself, not to buy a book on approaching during the day or night time. If this isn’t explicitly hammered home, but is only mentioned in passing, then the guys reading his blog will unfortunately gloss over it as well. But sorting your body and life out is something that every guy is trying to do anyway, and so are less inclined to buy a book on it, as they already feel that they are somewhat experts… fair play to Krauser, he probably would rather be teaching this, but his students want an easily digestible book that can be consumed in the comfort of their own home, not gym sessions, travel, education, and everything else that makes a guy cooler. So he is stuck giving the customer what he wants (I do think he goes as far as saying most of his customers are stupid for wanting that).

To speak about actual experiences, I did a few months daygame approaches down in Brighton England while I was there. I got a few dates with few decent girls, but for me it was just more approaches. My life was still a mess due to physical illness, and more approaches was just more approaches. Once I had those approaches done I was still going to have the same quality of girls and relationships as before. The only solution is to improve myself by trying to improve my physical health, which is still ongoing… right now I am slowly morphing into that fat bloke in the picture.


Well done Bodi

So another blogger that I follow has revealed that he has slept with 5 hot girls under 30 this year. I just wanted to say well done on this. Pity the comments seem to be busted on his blog at the moment.

I also started using the same theme as him (Elegant Grunge) as it is so good.