Quick review of “Death by a thousand sluts part 2”

What is it?

A semi autobiographical book on the author’s attempt to improve his lovelife using an approach called “daygame”.

The good:
– Bhodi actually gets his end away five times in the book. This is a welcome contrast to Death By A Thousand Sluts (DBATS) Part 1 were the author just gets nowhere for the entire length of the story. By the end of that book one I was beginning to suspect that there may be something really wrong with the author that he wasn’t telling the reader. Perhaps he was severely overweight, really bloody ugly, or had some other fatal flaw like being born without ears? As a long time reader or Bhodi’s blog, I couldn’t help but root for him, so it was reassuring to discover that he can get laid and that I wasn’t investing in the story of someone who is just one of those very unfortunate guys.
– There are other characters in the book (his Rock Solid Game flatmates) who Bhodi amusingly takes the mickey out of. Krauser in particular is portrayed as a despicable human being and borderline psychopath.
– The stories about getting laid are incredibly tense, as it is a long time between drinks for the author, and logistics always seem to be tough. The story where he shags an american tourist in the toilets of a hotel is a highlight that is both heroic and ridiculous.

The bad:
– Bhodi seems to be obsessed with daygame in London, and doesn’t seem to really try any other approaches. Although he does mention going to a Salsa class, which I hope was to make friends rather than just find more girls to hit on, and shags a bird from it, he doesn’t seem to try similar approaches anywhere else, or even analyse why he succeeded there. He also mentions getting a date with a girl while on a “euro-juant” but it doesn’t go anywhere for some reason that I can’t remember. But despite this seeming improvement in odds in this different situation in Europe the author is soon back in London pounding the cold streets. Similarly in DBATS part 1 the author tries approaching in an art gallery, but I think the chick brings a female friend on their “date”. So then Bhodi seems to throw the baby out with the bathwater and give up on this approach. Bhodi obviously had his reasons for giving up on these approaches, but he doesn’t really explain them (or if he did I have forgotten).
– His descriptions of his flatmates are just amusing caricatures, perhaps because Bhodi would feel bad revealing any real details about their lives and who they actually are? But these caricatures become stale pretty quickly. Mocking Steve Jabba for being obsessed with Adwords once is funny. But by the third time Steve is being mocked this way it is like a joke that has been told too many times. A real story (flattering or not) about Steve would have been much more interesting.
– Daygame seems to work for Krauser, but is never that fruitful for Bhodi, and there is never any attempt at analyzing why this is? Is Krauser way better looking that Bhodi? Taller? Is he more confident for some reason? The reader is just left imagining what is going on. Lee and Steve seem to have a lot of success, but this is just chalked up to them being “good looking” and left at that. Not that far back in the days of the London online forum Steve came second in a 12 week long body improvement contest, which had more than a few dedicated gym bunnies in it. Maybe he has gone to seed since then (I doubt it) but the fact that Steve was pretty ripped is never mentioned.

Thoughts/unasked for advice/stupid theory/hopes for part 3:
– I have since seen on Bhodi’s blog some posts saying that he is pretty much done with daygame. He has also since done winter trips to Mexico and Colombia. I don’t think he got laid on either of these trips. But it would be interesting to hear some more analysis of why this was the case?
– I have long advocated a more social approach to game. In DBATS part 1 there was a two page section basically slagging this off! So I think Bhodi has been talked out of this, probably by Krauser, but I’d love hear some more about Colombia, as at least this is trying something different. One thing written in DBATS part one that really grated was (roughly) “in daygame you pick the girls vs ecosystem game the girls pick you”. This is illogical, in either situation a girl has to want to fuck you and so ‘picks’ you back. The whole point of socialising is not so that you don’t have to overcome the awkwardness of running up to a girl on the street, it is because socialising can make you happy and confident, which is what a lot of girls are looking for imho. If Bhodi was a guy with a decent body who was having fun two to three times per week with mates in Colombia, I find it hard to imagine him not getting laid (in this situation Bhodi would still have to talk to girls in bars and at parties etc).
– To be fair being social can be tough, especially if you go to a new country like Argentina, and you aren’t that social in the first place. Personally I’ve always been naturally very social and enjoy life best when hanging out with large groups of friends. My uni experience was very different to the one Bhodi described in DBATS part 1. I was similarly pretty awkward when I got to uni. Being a dyslexic which most kids don’t grow out of until puberty doesn’t exactly set you up for being one of the cool confident kids at high school. But at uni with its options for social growth absent in a small high school everything came right for me and everything was amazingly good fun. Reading Bhodi’s story and reflecting on our divergent experiences I was thinking “is this just shit luck, or do we have very different personalities, or some combination of those two things?”. I really did feel sorry for him reading about his best female friend breaking up with her long term boyfriend then passing on him for some first year. My last couple of years of uni I had some really nice girlfriends, but reading his account perhaps I was closer to disaster than I realized?


Squaring the circle

So I saw another great post on Bodi’s blog where he talked a little about living in Mexico City for a few months over the European winter.

I have loads of questions, but don’t want to spam my assumptions into his comments section. Also apologies if he ever reads this, as I know how annoying assumptions/guesses can be, but I’m going to make a few.

I’m going to assume he chose MC because it is:
1. Warm.
2. Developed enough to not be an exercise in frustration.
3. Big enough that you can daygame or online game with a reasonable number of girls on the streets or online.

I’m going to go an make a massive assumption that it was probably a bit of a lonely experience. That can seem a bit counter intuitive – how can you be lonely in a big city surrounded by people?

An important question to address is – why does loneliness matter if you are just trying to get laid? Well I think social circles (aka groups of friends) provide two benefits. The first is that… they can introduce you to girls and get you laid. The second is that they give you a life that girls want to be a part of (aka fun social activities). I think if you are a keen daygamer or online gamer it is easy to just focus on the first advantage, and accuse the advocate of just wanting to get laid without dealing with any rejection, while completely ignoring the second benefit. I have a feeling that a lot of blokes are more comfortable with a somewhat lonely existence than girls are. When you take a girl out on a first date, and she realizes that all future dates are going to be just you and her, usually alone, that can be off-putting to a lot of women.

Going on my experience of London and a few other big cities, I’m going to assume MC has the same downsides:
1. It is massive, so girls already have their own niche social circles.
2. The cool social activities have a cost to join in with (e.g. social groups at unis where you have to go attend the uni) and take time to build any status within the heiracy. The ones that anyone can join already have a fair few lectcherous blokes.
3. Trying to organize your own group of friends is like trying to herd cats.
4. It takes longer to build social circles in big cities and it is harder to join (decent) existing ones. This is a disadvantage if you are fresh of the boat and only there for a few months.

So what is a partial solution? Go to a small town with a high volume of new arrivals like a tourist town in season, which also has some cool activity based social network where our protagonist can get a role with status quickly (dive town, beach resort, ski resort). That way the arrival gets all the benefits of a cool social network, plus some immediate status. However… these kind of places don’t have big enough populations to have a reasonable number of girls walking around (by themselves) for daygame. And may also not be big enough to provide a cloak of anonymity. So you’re commiting to either the ‘cool life that immpresses newly arrived chicks’ approach to game, or going to a bigger place and choosing daygame.

Is there anyway out of this bind? Maybe not unfortunately. The best thing I can think of at present is to go to a trekking diving town within easy travelling distance of a bigger city. Perhaps the diving town of Taganga which is only 10 minutes drive from the bigger center of Santa Marta? If Santa Marta turns out to be to small I suppose the aspiring daygamer could go to Cartagena, but that would probably mean going and staying down there for a week at a time…

Santa Marta
Santa Marta

Taganga
Taganga

Potential Curveballs:
– Conservative Christian local culture means local girls don’t put out much.
– Girls only walk around in groups.
– Santa Marta is still too small to daygame.
– Developing a coke addiction.


Review of “Death by a thousand sluts”

http://www.lulu.com/shop/john-bodi/death-by-a-thousand-sluts-part-one/paperback/product-22326676.html

Lulu.com’s description of the book:
“Being terrible with women isn’t easy: it takes a lifetime of planning.

One day John woke up and found himself middle-aged, depressed and involuntarily celibate: with no more understanding of women than a medieval peasant had of particle physics.

What was to be done?

Sucked into the dark and secretive world of “the pickup artists” he decided to reinvent himself and approach a thousand women on the streets of London. Surely one would sleep with him?

Several nervous breakdowns later… this is his story.”

My review:

I found this book hugely entertaining. I have to commend the author on being as honest as he is. It is a natural human inclination to present a positive face to the world, and here the author Bodi has just told it how it is. Feelings of despair, hatred, and rage are not glossed over. I found the parts where he described the extreme difficulties caring for his father with Alzheimer’s particularly raw. Although this honesty about situations and thoughts may be shocking to a person who is not open minded, it really does make the book more readable, as you are never playing a game with the author where you feel you are reading a sugar coated version of events and are trying to read through that into what was actually going on.

As a long time reader of Bodi’s blog I have bittersweet feelings about the lack of resounding success by the end of it. Intentionally or not, this book is a critique of the courses that are sold to try and help men achieve more fulfilling sex lives. The primary method that the author uses to try and deal with his problems is daygame (as I’m sure anyone reading knows means a man approaching random women on the street at daytime trying to get them to form a relationship with him). Bodi shows an almost insane level of dedication to this approach. The old saw about insanity being doing the same thing and expecting different results kept springing to mind. Of course Bodi knows this too, but has his reasons for continuing, and clearly explains these.

Confounding his situation is his growing friendship with a small group of guys who can make this approach work. But themselves can never seem to offer a convincing reason for why Bodi seems to do better with women on courses and trips with them, but falls down when alone. I have a few guesses, but I’ll refrain from going into them here in depth. If you want to read about the uses and limits of ‘hiring a hero’ then this book is also very useful to you.

I personally believe any man setting out or still trying to improve their love life or chance of a fulfilling relationship through conscious thought and action should read this book. Bodi may have not reached the promised land by the end of it. But almost anyone can learn something or be entertained by his journey.


Advice not appreciated! =(

So I gave some advice/discussion on approaches to take on another blog and had a well respected third blogger (whose blog I also comment on and follow) come in and fairly comprehensively dismiss what I had suggested. And suggest that I never do anything anyway.

I’m not going to lie, this hurt.

On the charge of never doing anything, well I am stuck on that until I recover my health (if ever).

I guess that on the internet whether you are right or wrong, what you have to say will only be listened to if you can bring proof. And if you are just repeating the same advice over and over that can get annoying whether your advice is completely spot on or totally wrong.

Another point my views were attacked on was with regard to their sustainability “the guy goes traveling for a year or two, bangs loads of girls and is back in London and life is the same… hardly a maintainable system”. But if you are already overseas for a year rather than spending it daygaming in Riga, Latvia, or some other eastern european city, why not go somewhere with an existing social circle? Or at least give both a try?

And how sustainable is any approach for a guy in his 30s? Do I expect to be running around the streets at 43 years old doing daygame (or bars for that matter)?

I think the only medium term way a guy in his 30s is going to keep on keeping on is if heroic medical interventions like those proposed by the SENS Foundation (www.sens.org) become available.

It’s all just a dream for me unless I get my health back anyway. I hope that one day I get to see what I am made of. But for now this is just a fading dream.

I am not trying to piss anyone off, but I can see that advising people over and over to do something that they don’t really want to do is just nagging. The only way around that is to do it yourself, show people the fruits of your actions, then hope that they can get up the willpower to do the same (with your advice which is now more in the realm of encouragement).


Daygame approachathons – bad idea?

So another blogger that I follow is doing a day game approachathon. If you are unaware of what that is, it is were a guy sets aside a reasonable block of time and tries to do a certain number of approaches. 50, 100, or 200.

Why do guys do these? Usually it is for 4 reasons:

1 ~ All game is to a degree a numbers game. If one out of every 25 day game approaches results in a date, then doing 125 approaches will get you more dates than 25 approaches. However you can’t just keep approaching for ever.
2 ~ The guy assumes that by doing more approaches his probability of success on each approach will go up. While this is true for the first few approaches as the guy gets over the initial uncomfortable feeling, his probability of success rapidly plateaus.
3 ~ They are a specific and easily measured goal.
4 ~ Daygame is teachable, and therefore there are a number of gurus pushing it and trying to earn a crust from coaching, blogging, and ebook writing.

Lets look closely at the above reasons.

1 ~ The numbers game. It is actually correct that more approaches equals more dates equals more sex. However that is only part of the story. Approaching and rejection are emotionally draining (unless you are mental, but then you have bigger problems). So while 50 approaches will get you 5 times the dates as 10 approaches, 200 approaches will not get you 4 times the dates as 50 approaches. Because you will be an emotionally worn wreck by then.

2 ~ More sets = continual improvement. Wrong, just plain wrong. Your probability of success depends on how attractive you are. And that depends on your looks (both face and body) and where you fit in on the social ladder (which comes across in your vibe/confidence). Unfortunately the more sets = continual improvement idea is pushed by the commercial interests, otherwise the books etc that they are selling would be fairly worthless. Although plenty of guys want to believe they are getting better and keep going for a long time only to have a massive crash at some point.

3 ~ Exact goals are easier to hit. But just because a goal is measurable and exact doesn’t mean it is actually taking you anywhere.

4 ~ Guru endorsement. To be clear, I don’t doubt that gurus make daygame work well for themselves. It is just that they have already built an attractive body and/or life. In the end approaches are just… approaches. How you do depends on your attractiveness.

So… I think a better use of guys time is to work on their attractiveness. However this is less measurable and is not very teachable (so doesn’t have guru marketing and endorsement). Improving attractiveness by either getting a good body or a good life is also hard as every guy is already trying to do this.

Am I suggesting daygame should never be done? No. But I’d suggest that everyone has a certain number of approaches that they can do a week before it starts to become an emotionally draining ordeal. Speaking from actual experiences, I personally think my number is around 5 to 6 (being brutally honest). If you can get your attractiveness up to the point where you will get a date out of a doable weekly number of approaches then great. If you have to get into ordeal territory then sooner or later you will give up on daygame and will go through cycles of approachatons and then crashes with increasingly long crash periods each cycle.


The problem with daygame

So I was reading Krauser’s blog and noticed that he has another post up called “The 10 Invisible Barriers To Daygame“.

It is a well written post. And I do believe the guy is pretty damn successful at daygame (just watch a video of him and you can tell within 15 seconds of him speaking that he is a cool guy who has his life together). But… I think he reaches the wrong conclusions, or at least gives into commercial impulses a bit and mentions the right conclusions, but puts the wrong emphasis on each.

8. Quality overreach
When you see a really hot girl with a boyfriend, have a good look at him. He’s not a short pot-bellied old man with a comb-over and ill-fitting Primark t-shirt is he? Hot girls only have sex with high value men. Now, as daygamers we are lucky that there is a carefully-honed system to deliver that value in a short space of time but….. the value has to be there. The single biggest piece of value a daygamer can have (and which at least 60% don’t have) is… a personality.

The fuck ladder is real. If you’re currently getting occasional 5s then you needn’t bother opening higher than a 6. By all means do so as an experiment in breaking limiting beliefs but know that you’ve got no hope in hell of fucking them. Go dig up a photo of the hottest girl you fucked in the last two years. That’s what you should be opening. If she’s a 5 then leave the catwalk models to the men who actually have a chance.

street-style-girl-in-short-flower-dress-yellow-sweater-amazing-legs-high-heels-new-york-city-guy-staring-at-her

And yes, you probably bristled at the last two paragraphs. Going for turbo-hotties that blow you out is actually avoidance – you are avoiding girls you might fuck because getting blown out by the 6s is a bigger blow to your ego.

But the real solution to this is to improve yourself, not to buy a book on approaching during the day or night time. If this isn’t explicitly hammered home, but is only mentioned in passing, then the guys reading his blog will unfortunately gloss over it as well. But sorting your body and life out is something that every guy is trying to do anyway, and so are less inclined to buy a book on it, as they already feel that they are somewhat experts… fair play to Krauser, he probably would rather be teaching this, but his students want an easily digestible book that can be consumed in the comfort of their own home, not gym sessions, travel, education, and everything else that makes a guy cooler. So he is stuck giving the customer what he wants (I do think he goes as far as saying most of his customers are stupid for wanting that).

To speak about actual experiences, I did a few months daygame approaches down in Brighton England while I was there. I got a few dates with few decent girls, but for me it was just more approaches. My life was still a mess due to physical illness, and more approaches was just more approaches. Once I had those approaches done I was still going to have the same quality of girls and relationships as before. The only solution is to improve myself by trying to improve my physical health, which is still ongoing… right now I am slowly morphing into that fat bloke in the picture.


Well done Bodi

So another blogger that I follow has revealed that he has slept with 5 hot girls under 30 this year. I just wanted to say well done on this. Pity the comments seem to be busted on his blog at the moment.

I also started using the same theme as him (Elegant Grunge) as it is so good.